


Now Hiring

by midnightstreet



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Future Fic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightstreet/pseuds/midnightstreet
Summary: Tiny fill forschittyfic's prompt:David and Patrick interviewing for their first sales assistant
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 16
Kudos: 78
Collections: The Rosebudd Ficlets





	Now Hiring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schittyfic (sixtysevenlmpala)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/gifts).



> A dialogue-only thing with three people was a fun challenge! Hope everyone can follow along.

“Your CV is impressive Ms.—”

“How do you feel about lavender?”

“How do I feel about…”

“Ignore him. So it says here you spent three years at The Primrose Boutique? Could you tell me what your duties were at that location?”

“I was responsible for stocking product, taking inventory, assisting on the sales floor, —”

“Would you say you understand the Greater Elms Area customer? Their hopes, their dreams?”

“Umm...”

“David, after two years, I don’t think _we’ve_ figured that out, what with our, uh, _diverse_ clientele…”

“If I could just interject? I think I developed a knack for matching the customer with the product they—”

“What would you do when accosted by an unkempt man seeking foot cream? Bearing in mind this man holds a position of power over you and is....the only word I can think to use here is ‘grotesque.’”

“I would hope I could put aside any instinctual reactions and provide any customer with exceptional service.”

“Mm. Mmhmm. I see how you would think that.”

“David, can you stick to the prepared questions?”

“Sorry, honey. Just having PTSD-like flashbacks.”

“So! Yes, umm, let me just consult my notes here. Ah, yes. So, a more...universal...hypothetical for you: how would you react if a customer found their favorite product were out of stock?”

“Oh god, don’t get me started. The _demands_ of these customers, you wouldn’t even believe…”

“David.”

“Right, sorry, hypothetical customers.”

“Well, I think I would do my best to maintain professionalism and reassure them that the product would be back in stock soo—”

“Okay, but what if the supplier hated you — _for no reason_ , Patrick; you know I couldn’t help it that that dog had an aggressively amorous interest in my leg, and I’m sorry, but those pants cost far too much to—”

“Yes, thank you, David, for that real-life example. Lisa! Back to you. Can you tell us about your availability? We wouldn’t want to impose on you, outside your scheduled work hours, but do you have any flexibility, in the event of unforeseen circumstances?”

“Well I can tell you that right now I have no commitments beyond a part-time schedule of online courses at Elmdale College. I’d like to think I could adapt pretty well, with enough advance notice.”

“That’s great! Well I don’t think I have anything else for you. I think you’d fit in well here. David, is there anything else you’d like to ask?”

“Hmm. I agree you’re an excellent candidate. I just have one final question: do you think the lip balms belong next to the cash?”


End file.
